This will be the first of what I will call ramblings or confessions. I just need to be able to write some things down so that I don't go insane. This one will definitely fall under confession.
Right now my house is a disaster, my 3 year old is watching Caillou and my 5 month old is sitting quietly in his swing for the most part. Every once in a while he will make some noise, like, "I'm still here, remember me?" He is my angel baby, and one of the things that is keeping me sane right now.
So I felt bad for Bubba and decided to go put him in bed for a nap.
As I was saying, my house is a disaster. I can't seem to keep up with it. I asked my husband to help me clean last week saying, once I get it all clean I just need to maintain it. HA! The weekend happened and it is a mess again. We went to the lake yesterday so all of that junk (i.e. towels, swimsuits, beach toys, half eaten snacks) is strewn everywhere.
My 3 year old is attention-starved so she has to be everywhere I am and most definitely won't go play by herself for at least 15 minutes. I believe this has stemmed from the time that Bubba was born and M&M has realized that he's here to stay and she won't get all of my attention all of the time anymore. I have been trying to give her all the attention I can though. That is why I started Tot School; to give her one-on-one time with just me, doing fun projects and enjoying time together. So far I haven't seen any difference.
Two weeks from now she will start a Mother's Day Out program once a week and I'm concerned about what is going to happen when I have to leave her somewhere that she is not familiar with. I'm doing this because I think that this will ultimately prove helpful for both of us, but it's going to be very hard to begin. In the fall she will do preschool two days a week, but that will be with people she is more familiar with. The thing is, I don't plan on homeschooling M&M. I think mother's that do are AMAZING, but it's just not in my plans. Putting her in a MDO program is just the first step to transitioning her into a school atmosphere.
Don't get me wrong about M&M. She is the sweetest, cutest, most animated little girl that I know and I wouldn't change anything about her. She is very active and has lots of energy. I just need to figure out how to channel that energy into something good.
My problem is that I can't seem to do anything else until my house is clean, but I can't get my house clean because I have two kids to take care of and that need my constant attention. (I know, some of you that read this have more than two and can handle it just fine.) It's a constant cycle. I need to learn to dismiss the dirty house for a while so that I can enjoy doing the other stuff. *Sigh*
On top of all of this I REALLY need to potty train M&M because she's ready now. Also I need to wean Bubba because it's affecting my diet and I can't take the allergy medication that I need.
Well, I hesitate in posting this because it is so personal and real to me, but I know I like reading the blogs where I can identify with the person and what they are going through. Hopefully I'm not the only one going through these same problems. The whole premise of this blog is to learn how to be a better wife, mother and person. The first step to becoming better is identifying what needs to be changed, right? There you have it.
Haha. As I reread this I realized it is very random and sporadic. But I guess that is just who I am and the way my thoughts are going right now as I try to make sense of life as I know it.